How do you handle a relationship with your ex ? This relationship has been through the toughest conflicts. Yet you have to continue a minimum of communication with each other because of the kids. Else it would be easy “too-de-loo and goodbye”, without kids you would never have to speak to this person again. The question remains, how to fight smarter without avoiding the relationship all together.

Mixed-orientation marriages don’t work

Every time we fight, my ex-husband and I keep bringing up all kinds of old, dirty laundry. When you leave a marriage after finding out it was based on FRAUD, “sorry” just isn’t enough. Then what is ?

When you’re upset with someone, you should just tell that person so. You don’t have to list every single thing they ever did. Or didn’t do, in my case.

Out of the mouth of babes comes wisdom

Not preparing the kids’ homework or arriving late to pick them up are actions. They do not define the kind of person my ex-husband is. This behaviour describes the things my ex-husband does wrong, in my opinion. But I am careful I don’t confuse his actions with the essence of who my ex-husband is. Else I would find myself unraveling into an escalating barrage of accusations.

When fighting with your ex-husband, if possible, keep these guidelines in mind:

  1. Stick to the point at hand. Don’t let yourself get side-tracked by any manoeuvres on his behalf to deflect attention away from the issue at hand. His behaviour is unacceptable and you’re calling him out on it. In a calm and civilized way.
  2. Focus on the bad behaviour, not his character.  Avoid name calling, it is not very becoming. It will only lead to escalating dirt throwing. You want to keep the attention on what you didn’t like that he did, and what you expect from him in future.
  3. Let go, you’re no longer together. At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter. I just love waving my ex-husband goodbye and thinking “not my problem anymore”.

Afterwards remember, have a nice cup of coffee or tea, some dark chocolate and relax. There’s a reason why he’s your ex.

— The universe (here and now)

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