Calm down!

Congratulations, you’re pregnant and you’re single!

While I was congratulating myself on becoming pregnant at almost 40, I was consciously taking quantum leaps towards a happier and healthier mind, body and life. But my entire inner circle of friends and family were in total shock.

  • The father of the child has left you!
  • What are you going to do ?
  • You already have 2 beautiful healthy children!
  • Why do you want another baby at your age?
  • How are you going to manage? I can’t/ won’t be able to help you!

Truth be told. The father had left me. He had no fatherly feelings towards the child I was carrying. I accepted and moved on. As for managing on my own, hadn’t I been doing exactly that with my other 2 littles? The beauty in this situation resides in the fact that I had been presented the ugly truth about all that could go wrong. And I was free to choose how I would respond.


The other side of cosmic intelligence

Over the next 9 months, I practised meditation and positive affirmations. I learned life-changing skills of adaptability, humility, honesty, integrity and the mystery that life must be continuous. I found it was time to stop adapting my life to make it accommodating to others. Despite the images of catastrophe offered to me by all surrounding, I started to feel calmer, less anxious and more focused.

The presence of my life partner, who stood by me no matter what, despite his own doubts and anger. His unfailing willingness to believe in our unity. This allowed me to completely surrender myself to the love we share together.

Maybe the universe wanted to play with the gene pool

A thought is a step in evolution. It is a creating act. My brain carried out the desire to have a baby. The universe wanted me to have another child. My child has no other parent than the universe. It favours evolution over standing still.

I was pregnant and on my pink fluffy cloud. The only prospective I would worry about was what my child would look like physically. Would he inherit dark Inca roots from his father, or would he look like a fierce blond Viking like myself and my other two children?

Maybe the universe wanted a vacation

The doubts kept coming in ebbs and flows for the next 9 months. How was I going to cope with 3 children all by myself? I didn’t know. I really didn’t. Until I realized I had done it all before. I had born 2 beautiful children. I had managed so far to raise them according to my world views and standards. After all I have a housekeeper, a nanny, a window cleaner, the ironing is outsourced and groceries delivered to the house. My kind of perfect.

I decided I would take things one step at a time. Each day a new beginning, a new learning, another opportunity to adapt. It was ok to worry and to doubt. I had a full 9 months to mull things over and come up with ideas on how to make life as easy as possible and keep it enjoyable for all around me.

Not by chance, but by intention

I carried my child and this was no game. I had to resist all the gossip and advice from the people around me. This was my world and the way I responded to it was my own choice and helped me shape my environment. Some moments seemed meant just for me.

There have been moments when my whole life made sense. I am happy I chose to keep my baby. He is perfect. That being said, I had options. I was able to make my choices in correspondence with my own values. Nobody pressured me. All women should be awarded the right to choose freely.

Being a single mother of 3 children can be hard, true, but it isn’t impossible. The future can evolve when the choice feels right.

— The universe (here and now)



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