Surviving is not enough

Many women’s share stories which follow my own…

I grew up thinking that I had to please others. That’s what my mother taught me. She put all her emphasis on being a beautiful woman. Forgetting the happiness that is to be found in being wonderful, sweet, caring and active. She didn’t have many friends, and she wasn’t active in any communities. Yet we all knew when she was happy when she was singing at home. She had career success too — she worked for an international organisation, was great with money and very well-respected.

In her first marriage, my biological father beat the hell out of her and verbally abused her on a regular basis. In her second marriage, my adoptive father was emotionally distant. 

She cooked, cleaned, made sure that we had everything we physically needed, neglecting the emotional needs of her children. Yet looking back, she was one of the most wonderful, hardworking souls – and she got beaten, threatened and mistreated by the men in her life.

So growing up, what I got from watching that was a fierce conviction: I was never going to be like my mum.

I wasn’t going to get married and have the hell beaten out of me. Oh no, not this girl! I knew better.

Then what happened?

I met and married a man who was emotionally and and physically distant. It wasn’t the same as my parents’ marriage, because unlike my mum, I didn’t rest with the status quo. I hated my life. I hated my husband, I hated my parents, and I hated myself.

Like my mother, despite incredibly tough times in my marriage, my life looked “successful” on the outside. I had a thriving social life, and excelled at my job as a Digital Analyst for my own company. I bought my first piece of property at 26 years old, attended black tie events, spoke at luncheons, school events and charitable dinners.

Shortly after the birth of my son and daughter I had finally had enough with my husband. I asked for a divorce and moved out.

I thought the worst was over. It wasn’t.

Despite the ups and downs (lots of downs) with my ex, I fought hard to reach my professional goals.

I’m a fighter and I don’t give up. But a few years later, I found myself in the trenches again.

And, the man that I got me pregnant with my third child just left me with the message “good luck.”

That’s when I first heard about some life-altering skills :

  • guided meditations by Deepak Chopra
  • sisterhood with Mama Gena
  • yoga on the path of the Goddess

and I decided to check these out.

At the time, I thought I was “fine”, but I was a mess.
I just had given up inside – I felt like a walking zombie.

When I checked out Deepak’s audiobooks, Mama Gena’s desires and mantra’s of the Goddess, I just knew there was something in these workings that I needed — something my soul, my spirit, was yearning for.

I trusted that the Universe would provide. Lo and behold, that’s exactly what happened.

There is no stopping a woman’s desire when she truly wants it.

My experience with yoga and meditation showed me I was still alive in the world. My mojo came back!
Through yoga and meditation I awakened.
I found myself again.
I found that I wasn’t alone. I felt whole again.
I’m so grateful for the chance to share my story with you here today – thank you for reading it!
— The universe (here and now)


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