Dare to be a woman


Nathalie used to be a close friend of mine. I first met her when I started working at Capital & Finance Asset Management. This company was all about wealth management, and it is here that I took my first steps in web development, and ultimately in digital analytics. But that’s another story all together.

Nathalie was one of the relation managers. She was 7 years older than me and we hit it off. We were such bad girls. We loved glamour and glitter, high heels and beautiful lingerie.

We would stay up until the early hours talking. We would smoke way too many cigarettes. We drank scandalous amounts of red wine and magnums of champagne. We discussed the many lovers in our life. We were definitely as inspirationally wrong as Bettie Page and Dita Von Teese.


We both ended up fired from Cap-Fi, yet here I am today, flourishing and at the top of my game, whilst Nathalie is but a ladybird. Allow me to explain.

Nathalie’s drinking habits were worse than I suspected. She would drink all the time, every day. She had an accident at 9 AM and was found under influence. She was unable to hold down any job. She was always attracted to the wrong type of guy, the married type. She had known hardship and didn’t have enough resources to face up any longer.

She died… unexpectedly, as it was so carefully worded. In fact, she followed the same path her father and younger brother had taken years before. They left this life by choice, not by chance.

I was shocked when she left us that nobody could find a single good thing to say about the friend I had once known. They saw only the bitterness which the alcohol consumed.

Each time I see a ladybird, I stop and smile. I say “hi Nathalie” and take a moment to reflect on the current moment. What would she have said in that quiet moment, those moments of inner reflection? The sweet Nathalie I had once known.

— The universe (here and now)



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