I married the wrong person once.


… Is it OK if I do it again ?

17 years ago in August, I walked down the isle knowing I was headed for my biggest mistake ever. Ideally, the preparations for marriage should have been an educational process anchored deeply in our culture. But apart from choosing the dream dress, the right venue and getting the wording right on the invites, little attention was paid to the life path that lay ahead.

Just a few days before the wedding, I had been sick with worry and crying on the phone to relatives who just laughed it off. Nerves. What else could it be when the happiest day of my life awaited me just around the corner. Back then the little me inside was screaming. What was the ultimate aim of my union with my soon-to-be-spouse? I had been brought up ogling over dynasty marriages on television. Then I stopped believing in the romantic marriage. This union was neither. It had been deliberately devised, well thought out. It served a purpose, which makes me say it was more of a psychological marriage.

The devilish truth

6 years ago I walked out on my perfect psychological marriage. I took a leap of faith hoping for all my might that I wouldn’t end up living under a bridge with my 2 darling children eating cat food. As you might guess, we did turn out rather well really. In the meantime I met somebody else who is in many ways perfectly wrong too. You read my right, my boyfriend is so fascinatingly wrong and sadly enough I must admit, I am too. Very much so too. You can ask him. He’ll confirm.

Why is this OK? I don’t want perfection, and I don’t think any of you do. I am more than happy to live with the little quirks that make my boyfriend the person who he is. And it is this which we can coin as true love. In other words, to love someone is your ability to live with that person despite his or her negative traits. If you can embrace your partner’s shadows, then and only then can you say that you love that person. Please remark here that I am talking about partner love, which is quite different and not unconditional as is the love felt for your offspring.

And so I met Mr. Wrong and I am happy to perfection for that. I am also infinitely happy that he is in love with my distinctive wrongness.

— Tremelo, Belgium (May 2017)




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