You always have the choice, as Hamlet famously put it : to do, or not to do. You know when you’re about to do something naughty. It’s a conscious choice that you make. You choose at every moment whether you’re going to do that *insert naughty action* or not.
The desire to perform a naughty act is based in frustration, not in love. You are fully conscious of the fact that maybe you shouldn’t do it because it’s illegal. Or you might know that what you’re going to do will hurt someone, physically or emotionally. This might be the intent of your actions, or the negligent side-effect. In short, there is no denying that when you set out to be naughty you are fully aware of the feeling that it is just damned right wrong. But you’re going to do it anyway because you want to.
This is where your upbringing comes in. Have you been properly taught not to act on your impulses? Do you know the meaning of delayed gratification? Can you think further than the present moment, the extended reach of your actions? Are you fully aware of the ripples of consequences tied to your decision? There are always strings attached. There is always a price to pay. No, you are not going to get away with it.
Now you might want to get away with your naughty secrets and surreptitiously chuckle at all the things you have been conniving up till now. But seriously, the lame excuses of “I didn’t know” and “I didn’t think” and also “but I never meant to…” Really? You really think that people are buying that? I can tell you they’re not. Behind your back they’re just saying that you’re too old, too daft and definitely losing your marbles. Or they’re just too scared to call you out on your idiocy. And thàt isn’t love.
What might have been cute when you were 16 sure isn’t now that you are a grown-up. And if you are 16 or younger, your age is no excuse not to have an open discussion about the real reasons why you were naughty. That’s what growing up is all about.
Because you see, you did know, and you did think. But you were convinced you would get away with it. That you could talk yourself out of it. That you could get around people. What you’re really saying is this : “I don’t value our relationship enough to take you into consideration. In fact, I don’t even know my own value or else I would not be misbehaving like this right now, risking to lose this relationship.”
Peter Pan and Wendy are not sexy.
And was it all worth it, I ask you? Because “what if there’s more?” Granted, there are things we know, and things we don’t know. And then there are the things we don’t know we don’t know. There might be more indeed. But you won’t be getting any more until you fully appreciate the abundance you have already in your life.
Gratitude starts by saying thank you to the people who helped you to get to the place you are today. And then again to say thank you to yourself. Because after all, others may have led the way, you’re still the one who did all the hard work and managed to pull it off. So after the heart-felt thank you, you move on. Because loyalty isn’t eternally anchored in that one moment of the past. The only thing eternal is the unconditional love for your children. Kids come first. No matter what, no matter who.
Having fun yet?
Beware. Who’s there now, by your side, coaxing you on? Encouraging you to be the best version of yourself? Who really wishes you to achieve your happiest life possible? Beware the 5 people closest to you whom you spend the most time with. For it is their traits which will start to wear off on you.
Myself, I am so lucky to have my life partner by my side, as an equal. I am so grateful that he makes my life bright with sunshine and that he loves me to shine like a sexy diamond. Listen up ladies : men do not like bitches. Really forget that novel. It is a tongue-in-cheek fire bolting book to get you up off the doormat floor and into being a woman of substance. Men like loving, nurturing women who exhibit peace of mind. The attitude of being a tough British slag just isn’t attractive. Think about it. It’s not attractive. Don’t go there.
Be kind. Exhibit good manners. You do have the choice. You decide; choose correctly, love wisely. And for God’s sake, wear a bra please!
— Tremelo, Belgium (May 2017)