I was 35 when I took my leap of faith. I had then been married for 11 years. To the outside world, I seemed to have it all. I was a beautiful woman in the blooming summer of her life. I was the strong survivor of skin cancer. Two beautiful little children, a boy and a girl, both as blonde haired and blue eyed as little cherubs. A handsome and eloquent husband. A thriving career path. Numerous friends who surrounded me. Yet I was deeply unhappy.
It felt like I was being burried alive. Screaming from the inside to be let out. I would sometimes look at people and implore them with my eyes to help me. Yet what this help should be, what I wanted or where I should be headed remained a mystery. I knew something had to give.
I knew deep down in the brief moments of total honesty with myself that I wanted a divorce. That scared me senseless. It would rob me of everything I thought had meaning in my life. I would lose my status of being a happily, smug married woman. It would mean saying goodbye to the house I had architecturally designed and which I had built together with my husband. It would mean depriving my children of having a mommy and a daddy on a daily basis.
I challenged my beliefs
That was really my leap of faith. Not the actual divorce, which only got settled after much fighting years later. Nor the physical act of leaving my husband. No, the biggest step, my great leap of faith was to challenge my own beliefs. To find back my self-esteem, my value and my worth. To make sense of the world I lived it. To re-invent myself and to re-write my life story.
That’s the best thing I ever did. It totally reshaped me to the person I am today. Living a life which is so much more fulfilling, happy and meaningful. Don’t get me wrong: I still have my down days and my children will catch me running down the corridor screaming because I’ve had enough. Raising three children single handedly with no financial of physical support from ex-partners or family can be daunting. Yet the challenge is on and I am succeeding so excellently. Big smiles all around.
Once I had changed my mind, I managed to change my life. I am now happy to flaunt my status of single mom, despite the fact that I have the most amazing life partner. I have nested a new cosy home for my family where I can be the best version of myself. This is the best gift : I am now such a happier person, and therefore the best mommy example I could ever present to my littles.
I am lucky to have an entrepreneurial mindset. Enjoying financial freedom allowed me to take the step of leaving an unhappy home much more easily. I can support myself. That’s so important, not having to fight over a power imbalance or not being able to leave because of purse strings attached.
Network, darlings. Your network is so important. I made lots of new friends along the way, and I equally lost a whole bunch of people, my family included. Some friends tried to remain neutral and a friend to both sides. This is inevitably heading straight for disaster. Whilst the bottom line idea is worthy as such, there is no such thing as not getting involved. Everyone who sets out to do so, eventually does fall into the trap of chosing for one or the other. This mainly depends on how much one party can relate to another, so please don’t take it personal.
On the other hand, I also left certain people behind. People and situations who no longer fitted with my idea of who I wanted to be. Leaving behind an unhappy marriage is more than just leaving your partner. It is saying goodbye to an entire lifestyle and way of doing things which no longer serve you. Watch out for anyone who would play you up in this time of vulnerability, as they mean you no good.
The leap of faith
- acknowledge your feelings of not being satisfied
- define exactly what you want in life. this is not written in stone and may change over time.
- think out the baby steps to get to where you want to be. one step at a time. no shortcuts.
- now go for it. own your life. take your power back.
- once you’re comfortable in your new awesome life, switch to a higher gear. get into the fast lane.
What’s your destination in life? Make it worth while.