As a frequent visitor to the Happy Bunch’s residence, Dorothy came round the back, as always and greeted me with a big smile. Which vanished just as fast as she had appeared herself. “Darling, be honest with me. Are you babysitting me? Has anyone asked you to be taking care of me?”
Yes Dorothy would think that. It’s part of her condition. She is fiercely independent, due to some very harsh life lessons. She’s afraid that any help will cost her too much in return. Everything comes at a price. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Really peeps, think about it. For everything you do, or don’t do, there is a price to pay.
To be honest, yes I am looking out for Dorothy. This world is a cruel place as it is and knowing the hardships Dorothy has been through, and that she managed to pull herself out of her rock-bottom, I truly believe some kindness is in order. So I reach out to her in the place I know she hurts the most.
“Dorothy, we’re family.”
“We are?” Tears are welling up in her eyes.
“Well sort of. So you don’t need to feel family-less.” I show her a warm smile. Smiles and kindness, two things which almost match the benefits of a nice cup of tea.
“Makes you wonder really what family really is. I always thought it was ‘blood’.” Dorothy sounds defensive again, yet slightly more off-guard than just a few moments ago.
“Well if you want to get all soppy with me tonight, we could say that family are those people who really care about you.” I extend my smile further to her.
“These days truly caring is a bit much to ask for. People just couldn’t be bothered most of the time.” Dorothy is adamant on being in the pits tonight. But not if I can help it.
“Yes, you’re right.” Agreeing with her at first is a great tactic to bring her back over to my side. The positive side. “Have you ever thought about families and how they work? Most of them are based on instant gratification. And the idea that one is the center of the universe and the others are servants. Does this sound familiar to you, Dorothy?”
“Oh sure yes. My mom thinks she’s ‘the matriarch‘. Honest to god those are her very own words. What gets me the most is that she’s all about being her fake self when around the ‘family’ in the UK, while she forgets her true family, her children, are over here.” I knew I was hitting home. “You know she never gave a card or a present for the baby’s first birthday. Or his birth for that matter.”
“She has a problem with your baby because…” I know Dorothy has a capacity to think and I want her to vocalise it. She’s a smart woman. She’ll figure it out.
“My mother has a serious need for anal sex. Or at least she should take the vibrator out and change the batteries.” Oh my, I don’t believe I just heard her say that. Let me steer this in the right direction.
“Your mother is so stuck up with her own self importance, right? You on the other hand say things before you think about what you’re saying.”
“Yes I’m spontaneous in my speech whilst my mother is more deliberate and calculated. So what?” Dorothy’s mood is shifting dramatically.
“I don’t know what you said to each other in moments of passion.” I’m trying very hard to get the answers out of her. “I don’t know why she is so against your little baby. I can only assume things were said.”
“There weren’t. It was all very icy cold communication. I asked for help and she disappeared.” I do remember Dorothy telling me about this episode during her pregnancy.
“Maybe your request had a very high price tag.” I believe I’m hitting home again. Dorothy doesn’t respond. She’s mulling it all over. So I probe a little further : “What I don’t understand is this desperate need to be accepted by your mother.”
Aha, at this Dorothy’s face comes back to life and she just throws the words at me : “Survival. Recognition. Redemption. The truth be told. All those wonderful things I will never have.”
“OK, you can recognize that you won’t have those things so why crave them ? Your mother is a person too.” I know this last phrase is pretty weak, but it’s worth a try.
Dorothy is going to make me work hard tonight to get things right for her.
I continue : “I wanted that too from my mother until I realised it won’t happen. And now I don’t require anything from her. Grateful she helped me and taught me what she did. But it stops there.” Yes, Dorothy is tuning in now. Time to move on : “What difference will it make either way?”
“None.” Dorothy is fierce now. “Can’t undo what’s been done.”
“Exactly,” I confirm, “So why the need to swallow bile?”
“Because the entire family joined in.” Poor Dorothy.
“OK. Even aunty in England?” I’m gentle with her now.
“Especially aunty in England.” Dorothy retorts.
“You are better off.” I have to place this remark, because in all due honesty, I have never known Dorothy to be as happy and as vibrant since she has removed all the BS from her life. And yes, her family was part of that production.
“Though she was the only one to send a birthday card for the baby’s first birthday.” Dorothy continues.
“Well maybe aunty is still there. It’s hard to swallow when daughters need to resolve things via court instead of manipulating. Women are always cruel to each other.” Gosh, I’m so full of universal truths, I surprise myself sometimes. “So accept it, let go and move on.”
“What are we going to do tonight?” Dorothy is quick in changing subjects.
But I still need to mark my point here : “Just be yourself and they will come around in time. But these issues are easy for you to overcome. It’s a test for you and if you pass you can become wealthy.”
“Haha, those are the words I love to hear, darling. Let’s go and do something fun!”
All Dorothy needs to realise is that she is to become self-sufficient, confident, charitable, generous and considerate. All virtues within her reach. And she needs to practise more delayed gratification. She has to learn how to solve her problems long term.
What do you think ? What would be a fun way to cheer Dorothy up ? Let me know in the comments below.