Religiously twerking your ass off

It’s Saturday afternoon and as any good Online Marketeer I am checking my Social Media channels about what’s going on. The first steps to success are :

  • Setting attainable goals
  • Visibility on all platforms
  • Getting the job done

The twerking stepmom

Dorothy is leisurely entertaining the baby as I scroll through the latest updates on Facebook. “Uh I’ve just seen a picture of your stepmom.”

Dorothy doesn’t even look up. “Oh really, is she still as fat?”

“In fact, it’s just a picture of her bum. And judging by the size of that, yes, she is still very fat.” I reassure her. Juicy gossip is always such fun to share.

“Let me see, darling.” Dorothy peers over to my iPhone.

“Careful, it’s not a very pretty sight.” I warn her as I show her the picture on my screen.


Now this peeps all goes to vie that the Internet is indeed a dangerous place. Take care of your pictures and what you post. Because once it’s on the internet, it starts living a life of it’s own.

Side note : I’ve said this before, my darlings, take great care of your digital profile. Make sure that your corporate portrait is as strong as you are! I am a firm believer in updating my profile picture each year with talented photographer, Marta Hurtado.

But back to Dorothy and her twerking stepmom…

“Uh indeed. Love the capture. ‘Twerking’. That’s just great. Not only do I have a stepmom from the Phillipines, but she’s also a skilled twerker.” Dorothy is not amused.

“She must have learned that in the nunnery.” I throw her my mischievous grin.

“Haha, that’s a good one! Wonder what else she learned in her cloistered life before marrying my stepdad.” Dorothy starts musing.

“Obviously how to better her life. And she did very well. Just by marriage she owns a quarter of that house, you know. I was there at the wedding. There was no prenuptial agreement. Marry well, my sisters.” I say that last in a deep tone resembling a proud Mother Superior.

“Well good on her. That’s what I say, darling.” Dorothy chirps.

“Really, Dorothy dear? I would have though you would be sour grapes about that.” I put down my iPhone to get a better look at her.

“Look,” Dorothy looks at me sternly, “I have been disinherited.” She pauses to mark the drama. She repeats : “I have been disinherited. Hence why would I be bothered who that house comes to? I say ‘hallelluia’ and ‘praise the lord’ that my stepmom then gets a piece of the cake. Good on her.”

“Very charitable of you, Dorothy. I mean, it’s not really as if you need it. At least you’re not dangling from any purse strings, right.” Always see the positive side, that’s what I say.

“Exactly. And if they think I’m going to lift one finger in sorting out arrangements when the time comes, they’ve got another thing coming. I think not.” Dorothy’s got that fierce look on her face again.

Predicting the future

“How is your mom? You did her tarot recently, didn’t you. Is she going to die any time soon?” I inquire, just for the sake of it, since we’re talking about such dark and sinister issues anyway. I recently read in National Geographic that whales mourn their dead too, just like us. Now that’s a bit of trivia for you.

“Not very likely. She’s in great health. She’ll probably go on living till she’s at least 96. Just like her Nana before her. And she acts just like her Nana too. So go figure.” Dorothy looks annoyed.

“So you’ve got another 30 years to spontaneously kiss and make up.” I muse.

Dorothy snorts. “Maybe stepmom could teach my mom to twerk. It would do wonders in helping her find a boyfriend. And keep him this time.”

“That’s a lost cause. Your mom has no ass. She’s as straight as a pencil. And she farts too much.” I can’t help but remark.

“OK but I’ve got quite a round but, and so do you darling. Can you twerk?” Dorothy is moving around doing weird things with her hips. She looks like she’s belly dancing more than twerking.

“Nope, I was too busy paying high school fees.” I remark dryly.

“Peculiar though, isn’t it, how twerking has this hypnotic effect. Do you know anything about hypnosis by any chance?” Ah there Dorothy has hit a sensitive note. You see, I don’t know the next thing about hypnosis, yet I have so many stories to tell about it. And yes, I do recognise it when I see it, which might just give me an advantage over most people.

“Hypnosis is bogus. But auto-suggestion and covert speech are really interesting subjects. NLP is known to be a great skill to be mastered.” I’m hoping she won’t dig deeper on this. If only I can come up with some sort of distraction to keep her off this subject. For the time being, at least.

What are single mom’s interested in?

Come on, my mind races, what is Dorothy interested in ? She’s a single mom by choice. She loves to travel and do yoga. Her top priority is tending to her kids. She wants to know she can survive, make ends meet and get things done. And most of all, like any mom in this world : she is looking for pleasure.


What do you think ? How can I distract Dorothy ? Let me know in the comments below.

* Disclaimer : The image used in this blog post is a picture found online after a Google search on the word ‘twerking’. It is a miracle by chance more than by choice if you recognize your own ass.



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