Insert name here

“Darling, I’m having one of my tangled, paranoid and not-so-great ideas again.” Dorothy blurts out while we’re having an evening in for some quality girl time.

“Well that’s already a good start, that you realise your idea might not be the best one to act upon.” I look at her approvingly. “What are you getting your knickers in a twist about?”

“The baby’s father.” Dorothy admits. “I’m still very angry that he ran away from his responsibilities. I want to call him out on his bad behaviour.”

“Oh no you don’t.” I look at her in alarm. “What on earth are you thinking of?”

“Well you see, several elements have come together.” Dorothy starts to explain.

“No, you mean that you’re making connections where there aren’t any.” I point out to her. “And you’re using random incidences to justify a probably very stupid idea.”

“No really, hear me out.” Dorothy sounds eager. “I was just thinking. Since your blog is so well read. And you’re an SEO expert, you know you’re good at getting pages ranked in the search engines. Well you could write an article about *insert name here*, and put his full name in there. You know something along the lines *insert name here* has fathered a child and ran away from his responsibilities. Whilst this might be a current practise in third world countries in South America, these practices aren’t condoned in the civilised Western world’ and then repeat his full name several times in the article.”

“What good would that do?” I look at her in disgust. “Apart from shaming many people, including yourself.”

“Oh but just imagine his next girlfriend or romantic interest.” Dorothy has it all sussed out. “What do you do when you’re falling for somebody? You Google them. Just imagine if the girl then lands on your blog article and reads what a low-life he really is!”

“Dorothy, really…” I am momentarily lost for words.

“My idea was confirmed when Heleen who works with you found herself in the search results. You know that lovely article you wrote about her wonderful photoshoot she performed of your beautiful babies?” Dorothy goes on justifying her catastrophic idea. “It goes to vie that this is an idea which will definitely work.”

“Well Heleen’s article wasn’t in the first page results, you know.” I go on to defer her from this track of thought.

“But when you’re falling for somebody, you check out everything. You go past the first page results. You want to read everything you can find on the internet about your love interest.” Dorothy seems unstoppable.

“Dorothy, have you thought about the possibility that he sues you for defamation?” I state calmly.

“Oh yes, I have even dreamt about it.” Dorothy exclaims. “I dreamt about this some months ago and I couldn’t make sense of it. His parents and him were taking me to court because of his name being used. And I was happy about it.”

“You were happy about it. Seriously? Defamation is no laughing business, darling.” I hope she understands this.

“But it isn’t defamation now is it, darling?” Dorothy looks at me imploringly. “It is so easily verifiable that he is indeed the biological father of the baby.”

“So fudging what?” I am angry with her now. “You hardly knew the guy. What we do know is that he has no values, else he would have stayed around to make sure that beautiful baby lacks in nothing. He would have had enough balls to be a father. Do you seriously want this guy anywhere near that child? He’s so happy, your little darling. Don’t you dare ruin that for some stupid idea you got in your head again.”

“Oh…” Dorothy looks at me startled and hurt.

“Darling, you’ve got to let it go.” I tell her firmly. “Get a piece of paper, write ‘Let it go’ in big letters on it and stick it to the mirror in your bathroom so you’re constantly reminded. Time will do the rest.”

“But I can’t forget…” Dorothy goes on weakly.

“Oh yes you can, and you must.” I tell her. “Show me a picture of the guy.”

Dorothy pulls up her iPhone and pushes a picture of a chubby South American under my nose.

“Well, his loss!” I exclaim. “He comes no where near my Wim.”

Dorothy remains silent.

“Darling, mark my words.” I tell her vehemently. “Sooner or later that loser is going to come ringing your doorbell.”

“Huh… What?” Dorothy looks surprised.

“Yes he will, I guarantee it.” I tell her again. “He’s missing out on so much. He knows you have his baby. And although he’s trying to be all tough about it and pretend he’s going on with his life, he isn’t. He’s thinking about this a lot. Believe me, you’ll be hearing from him sooner than you would want to.”

“You really think so?” Dorothy asks.

“Yes unfortunately I do.” I nod at her. “And I really wish I am wrong about this one. In the meantime, continue being your wonderful self and stop wasting your thoughts on *insert name here*. Let’s have some champagne. I need some now”

Giggles and champagne, that’s all a girl needs to get onto a better track.


What do you think? Do you have any suggestions to help Dorothy let go? Let me know in the comments below.

* Disclaimer: this is not defamation as it is not a false fact.



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