The long commute to work every morning is made so much more enjoyable when shared with Dorothy over the phone.
“Good morning, darling!” I do my best to sound chirpy. “I’m an early bird.”
“Good morning. You are up late,” Dorothy teases me. “How are you today?”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said, that I would spend the night with a lover. Well Rumpelstiltskin doesn’t get an entire night with me. The last time I did that 2 years ago I made the best baby ever. But I’m still paying the consequences for that too.” I say all of that in one breath. “You’re up early. I’m surprised.”
“I wake up everyday at around 6 am and sometimes go back to bed until 9.” Dorothy confesses. “Thinking a lot about my fantasy?”
“What about your threesome fantasy?” I throw the ball back at her.
“Henry cancelled our sex date. His daughter is ill.” The disappointment is tangible in her voice. “I felt disappointed and much more, but decided not to dwell on it because I don’t know what’s really going on and maybe it’s a good thing that this sex date never happens.”
“Oh well, that’s just bad luck,” I suss her. “No in fact I have been thinking about 63 daily problems to solve. And that life is not all about me.”
“OK, do tell.” Dorothy urges me.
“Winston keeps shouting at me and making nasty David comments.” I recount the events of the past evening. “It hurts and I don’t know how to deal with his teenage hormones.”
“Nasty David comments?” Dorothy enquires.
“Also I love my mother despite how she treats me and that infuriates me,” I interject, and then continue: “Oh comments like his birthday party. He says I’m only doing it to show off to my friends how much money I have. That kind of stuff. Or that I don’t like boys. Or I feel more connected to Lilly and that I treat Winston like a slave. That kind of BS.”
“Are you making a party and inviting his friends only, or is it an open party?” Dorothy wants to know.
“It’s a birthday party for just Winston and his little friends,” I answer to truth. “Oh you now, I was polite to Xavier the other day but I didn’t kiss him hello because I’m still upset about how he treated you.”
“That will teach him,” Dorothy says sarcastically.
“No it won’t. But I feel integer,” I retort.
“I’m in a happy space. Best thing he did for both of us.” Dorothy reassures me. “I wanted to feel bad about Henry and me not being attractive enough. But i decided I wouldn’t.”
“I never liked Xavier,” I dig in.
“Back to Winston.” Dorothy expertly changes the subject again. “I’ll see Henry next week anyway.”
“Winston seems unhappy lately and he’s taking it out on me.” I tell her.
“Have you asked him questions like, how would he like you to behave?” Dorothy asks me.
“I don’t want to lose my son!” I wail down the phone. “No I haven’t. I hate how his behaviour makes me feel. I feel like a horrible mother.”
“You should ask him. If David is speaking badly again you need to nip it in the bud.” Dorothy tells me sternly.
“Wim talked to Winston yesterday.” I inform her.
“Give him more hugs and kisses and tell him you love him,” Dorothy advises. “And that’s good. Maybe Wim can help.”
“Yes I think so,” I’m starting to feel more relieved now. “Wim’s a good role model.”
“Explain to Winston what you need from him and why,” Dorothy continues to coach me.
“So my problems are really not problems at all.” I smile. “I want happy healthy children.”
“Feed them meat!” Dorothy insists.
“Hate David!” I spit out.
“You should hate David.” Dorothy confirms.
“Horrible bloke!” I add on.
“I dislike him too.” Dorothy admits.
“Ego centric prat!” It feels good to say what I really think about my ex-husband.
“Limit your contact with him.” Dorothy advises.
“I do.” I tell her.
“Don’t rely on him for anything.” Dorothy continues.
“We have parent meeting at school tonight,” I sigh.
“That’s sexy!” Dorothy giggles. “Blame them for Winston’s behaviour.”
“David contributes nothing,” I remark. “Blame who?”
“The teachers of course.” Dorothy replies.
“Really?” I ask her incredulously.
“Everyone does that these days.” Dorothy states the obvious.
“Nooooo!” I express my disbelief.
“Why not?” Dorothy wants to know.
“Because it’s plain obvious that it’s David.” I shout.
“Feed David rat poison,” Dorothy giggles.
“I should,” I sigh.
“Metaphorically speaking of course.” Dorothy knows to be careful what she says to me.
“Haha, very funny darling!” I add some sarcasm to my tone.
“Are you working from home today?” Dorothy suddenly sounds in a rush.
“This afternoon I will be,” I tell her. “This morning I’m working in Brussels.”
“Cool,” Dorothy breathes busily down the phone. “You should be leaving soon then.”
“I’m in the car already, truth be told.” I say a little surprised. “Stuck in traffic jams.”
“OK. You have a fun day in Brussels!” Dorothy cheers me on.
“Sleep tight. Bed bugs bite!” I call back affectionately.
“I’m going to paint now actually.” Dorothy precises.
“OK, make things beautiful then.” I encourage her.
“Bye sweetheart.” And at that Dorothy hung up the phone.
What do you think? Any tips on how to handle teenage hormones? Let me know in the comments below.