Dorothy follows up on our midnight conversation with a morning check-up visit. I hand her a lovely cup of coffee to start out our day with a caffeine boost.
“Good morning, sunshine. Did you sleep well?” I smile at her as I slowly sip my coffee.
“Good morning. Yes I did sleep well. How about you?” Dorothy is eyeing me and making internal assessments of how I look and am acting.
“I did too,” I continue smiling as the kids get ready to leave for school. “Are you doing anything nice today?”
“That’s good. Did your hockey stick keep you warm?” Dorothy teases me. “I am going to pick up Alicia and spend the day with her.”
“Winston was having horrible thoughts so he came into my bed,” I tell her as I nod in my eldest son’s direction. “That sounds wonderful. Isn’t she at school today?”
“She is not feeling well.” Dorothy informs me of her youngest daughter.
“Oh bless her,” I sigh compassionately. “Make it better then.”
“Are you having a happy day?” Dorothy looks me over as she is just about to leave.
“Yes?” I say dubiously. I don’t feel like complaining today. “Yes. I’ll say yes. Yes.”
I take a moment to collect myself and look as confident as I can for Dorothy’s scrutinizing eyes. “Go and be a mommy. See you soon.”
“Very good. At the office today?” Dorothy asks as she kisses me goodbye.
“Yes.” I smile proudly as I watch her walk out of my front door.
Dorothy is obviously not completely convinced that I am doing well, as she made a point of dropping by in the evening when I got home from work. And she’s right. Dorothy finds me in the kitchen obsessing over a chat conversation with Mr Threesome.
“We can’t be just friendship. He remembers too much!” I wail at her.
“Good. Make him work for the cookie.” Dorothy is going to spell out the rules for me now, is she? “Did you have a chat with him?”
“Yes well a bit via Whatsapp.” I tell her with a pout on my face.
“Have you made a date yet?” Dorothy prods on.
“No,” Disappointment is visible on my face now. “He’s not really asking. Well he suggested something about evenings. But I brushed it off.”
“Ah. He is testing to see what you want.” Dorothy gives me an all-knowing look.
“You think?” I look at her incredulously. After all, Dorothy’s love life is a complete disaster, so she knows how it’s not done.
“Tell him you want the whole deal.” Dorothy goes on with a tone far too wise for her age.
“This is very strange.” I ponder. “I did tell him that.”
“And what did he say?” Dorothy says with one raised eyebrow.
“Shall I show you the conversation?” I ask hesitantly. “Or I’ll just read out his answers for you and then you figure it out. All of the following are from Paul. Yes and no. depends what you mean by free. I have a girlfriend if that is what you mean. I’ ll never be.”
I can see that just reading out his messages isn’t really helping Dorothy to understand what’s going on. So I clarify : “He’ll never be happy.”
“You will never be his girlfriend?” Dorothy asks with deep concern.
“No, I just told you. He’ll never be happy.” I am getting annoyed now that she’s not following what’s happening. Dorothy and all her behavioural wisdom. I go on reading out Paul’s messages, leaving out my own responses. “Problem with choices is you only find out afterwards.”
“Tell him that’s true!” Dorothy is suddenly having fun.
“What’s true, the choices or the happy?” I ask her looking up from my iPhone. Then I continue reading the next reply from Paul. “They have one. Best version was the one in the early 90s.”
And for Dorothy’s benefit, I translate what Paul meant : “His kids have a happy farther.”
“Wait I can’t follow. Choices can be changed.” Dorothy looks very confused.
“Ah OK, here’s the entire conversation.” I give in as I hand her my iPhone. “Read it for yourself.”
“What is the best version in the early 90’s?” Dorothy asks as she greedily accepts my iPhone and indulges in reading the exchange.
“I’m finding him hard to figure out.” I muse as my eyes dream off into the distance. “I kind of forgot about the kinky stuff. Not really good huh.” I am worried about the details Dorothy is now reading in my chat with Paul.
“Wow Fiona. What have you not done? He is interested in you but it seems you are just interested in one thing.” Dorothy gasps.
“I’m not though,” I say with a hint of shame about what Dorothy has just read. “I’m not interested in just one thing. I’m not. It’s not good and I can’t erase the past.” I give Dorothy a faint hint of a smile, trying to cover up for what she just read about the wild sexual past of her now very respectable friend.
“Why discuss it like you can’t wait to repeat it?” Dorothy asks me with reproach.
“I’m not!” I shout a little louder than I intended to. “It’s just funny to remember.”
I should know better than to turn to Dorothy for advice on matters concerning the heart. She ignores the rules. She thinks she’s the exception, not the rule. That’s her problem.
What I want you to remember, dear reader, is that ultimately, you are the one for somebody. We spend a lot of our lives looking for love. There is nothing wrong with this and, in fact, finding the right person at the right time is something close to a miracle. However, it is important to realize that in the absence of such love, we can very safely rely upon ourselves for love and self-care. We carry within us everything we need to know true love on our paths to self-realization.
So when we find ourselves looking for love on our path, simply ask, let go, and wait patiently, an answer will come. Don’t look outside yourself for teachers and guides.
What do you think? Do you play the love game by the rules? Let me know in the comments below.
* Disclaimer : Any resemblance between the fictional characters in this story and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle by chance more than by choice.