Dorothy is still fully engrossed in the Whatsapp chat I showed her between Paul and myself.
“Who wants to rape who?” She asks me all big-eyed.
“It’s bad and funny at the same time,” I say with high red cheeks. “I think I used to tease him that I would rape him. Never happened of course. We’ve never… Well you know, we haven’t…”
“He wants to respect you.” Dorothy concludes after placing my iPhone neatly on the table.
“Oh that’s very nice.” I beam relieved. “Well I have turned the conversation to hobbies books and music.”
“He wants a partner and mother for his remaining kids. He wants to be happy. Offer him that first with great sex and admiration as a second thing in the relationship. He is not getting TLC at home.” Dorothy concludes. I always find it funny how much she reads into a conversation.
“His kids are at university.” I object to her statement that he’s looking for a mother figure. “He lost his first child to cot death. How can I offer him mother and partner in text messages?”
“Tell him you want to make him happy. You want to make him great. You want to help him become the success he wants to be. And you want to share everything with him including your little family. You want to make a life with him and make a happy ever after.” Dorothy encourages me slyly.
“Euhm yes.” I’m just not buying it. “That kind of message makes a guy run a thousand miles in the opposite direction.”
“Or hang on to a nothing relationship and be alone at fifty until you die.” Dorothy snaps nastily.
“You’re not helping.” I look at her all annoyed. “Where exactly is he meant to chase?”
“No risk, no gain.” Dorothy teases me.
“This is nonsense.” I rebuff her suggestions all at once. “But OK, I will tell him this next time we chat. And I’ll be sure to let you know how well that went.”
“Ok,” Dorothy smiles. There’s a glint in her eye that I just can’t place, but I am sure she is playing me. “But only if it’s what you want. If you prefer to fill the time you don’t have with Wim then he is keen.”
“He is keen to fill the time?” I repeat. “I’m not interested in that at all.”
“No you.” Dorothy says impatiently.
“You’re being cryptic.” I tell her. “I don’t understand what you’re saying. And I don’t understand Paul either. He’s messaging me but I can’t read him. He seems interested and not interested at the same time. And I don’t know what all of this is or anything. But fine.”
“He is interested in you. You decide what you want.” Dorothy sits straight in her chair. “Start something with him by saying you are attracted to him but you want a relationship that will go somewhere. And not just sex and get stuck there.”
“If he’s interested then why isn’t he asking me out?” I defy her as I sum up the rules I know to be true. “But OK, I can say that. Shouldn’t I get to know him first before I decide anything? You know, proper screening like I didn’t do with Marc?”
“Yes get to know him so his desire grows before you give him the honey.” Dorothy love coaches me. Yet I am having a hard time believing a word she’s saying. “Flirt with him only.”
“Okay got it.” I confirm. “And I mustn’t sound enthusiastic about sex. Got it. And no kinky stuff. Right.”
“Yes, sound enthusiastic but only sex with him and not as a threesome.” Dorothy goes on with her pep talk. “When you are in a relationship do what you want with him. You do realize if he is keen to leave his girlfriend you must leave Wim.”
“Yes yes yes.” I say with certain irritation. “But won’t be happening any time soon.”
“OK good girl. Take your time.” Dorothy says as she makes motions to get up from the table.
“No date, no kiss, no moonlit sky.” I say as I kiss her on the cheek. “I need my beauty sleep.”
“See you soon.” Dorothy kisses me gently on the cheek.
“3 kids is exhausting.” I tell her as I walk yawning down the hall to the front door with her.
“Yes indeed. Sleep well.” And Dorothy disappears into the night. Leaving me with a head full of questions.
What do you think? How sound is Dorothy’s love advice? Or do I sense a hint of sabotage in the air? Let me know in the comments below.
* Disclaimer : Any resemblance between the fictional characters in this story and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle by chance more than by choice.