So I have spent the last couple of weeks feeling worried and completely stressed out. My stress is in fact increasing to such heights that I am prone to frequent panic attacks. Anybody who has experienced an anxiety attack knows how draining one can be. It completely depletes you physically and it brings out the darkest thoughts you have lurking in your subconscious. I will say in advance that I am not proud to be the owner of these horrible thoughts. Yet they are but that: merely thoughts. The most important part is not my words, but the actions I undertake to make sure that everybody in my surrounding is safe and well-cared for. The extract below is a prime example of another one of my midnight gems.
I was just about to fall asleep when the voice of the Wizard echoed resonately in my ear: “Turn the light on silly girl and go smoke. The moon is very bright here. Sleep well.”
“Here too but rain and wind,” I open my eyes and look up at my skylight window. The rain is pouring down and the wind is howling. I look at my iPhone and note it is 3am by now. “Too cold for a stalker.”
“Warm here,” the Wizard attempts to make me jealous.
“I will just go,” I decide to muster up all my courage. “Warm? In Cuba?”
“Get a dog, fire the cat,” the Wizard mocks my blatant cowardice.
“Yes yes, I have understood your metaphor,” I say resolutely, determined to prove him wrong. “And put the Star on the ‘ziekenkas’.”
“Yes 23 degrees,” the Wizard twirls happily on his pink fluffy cloud.
“Can’t believe my luck,” I say with confident optimism this time.
“See how it works out,” the Wizard encourages.
“Yes I might be all excited about it now and Acerta will just tell me tough luck or something,” I consider with dread. Belgian red-tape administration is the height of bureaucratic idiocy.
“Ask her to tell her doc to give her sick leave for nine months,” the Wizard spells out all my other options, should this one fail.
“Really? I mean, isn’t that fraud? No way!” I exclaim with mixed excitement and disdain.
“Then six months maternity leave,” the Wizard muses with deep knowledge of human behaviour.
“Hahaha, you’ve got to be kidding!” I laugh out loud for I can see it unfolding this way too.
“Yes fragile pregnancy etc,” the Wizard goes on invincible.
“Love it. You sure have a wild imagination,” I beam at him. “And I will manage?”
“Next time employ an au pair with a driver’s license,” the Wizard advises me.
“If I get 2 days homeworking I will manage,” I go over the organisation of my life as single mom of 3 children and proud business owner. “I am not hiring again. Never. Not in Belgium. I got lucky with my Star. Best employee ever. But she is a gem in a million.”
“You can change them every year without hassle and they live in,” the Wizard explains the benefits of hiring an aupair. “Full time baby sitter at the drop of a hat.”
“Hmmm maybe,” I carefully consider this new suggestion.
“Cheaper too,” the Wizard continues to defend his case.
“First see how I can sort this,” I decide to tackle the problem one at a time. “A challenge.”
“Let me know,” the Wizard concludes. “Now drink some warm milk and go to bed.”
“You know you also thought I could buy this house from Wim and I couldn’t,” I point out past false good ideas the Wizard has presented me.
“Yes you can,” the Wizard is adamant.
“And that I could do my own housework on top of all the rest and I can’t,” I look at him defiantly.
“Yes you can,” the Wizard is unwavering in his answer. “It’s called smart management.”
“I can buy Wim out with which money?” I demand to know. “The bank declined my request to take over the loan. And that was 2 years ago when I was financially up on top.”
“Be patient and plan it,” the Wizard says as if we’re talking about buying a bag of candy. “Maybe the Butterfly lady from New Zealand is just what you need.”
“Maybe,” I muse with delight. “Exciting though.”
“Yes indeed,” the Wizard murmurs in his sexy voice.
“Hope these are all blessings in disguise,” distrust is creeping up on me again. “Going to get some shut eye.”
“Try talking to me first before you go off half cocked,” the Wizard tells me sternly. “No good telling me what you have done, instead tell me what you intend to do.”
“Okay,” I agree.
“See you later,” the Wizard bids me goodnight.
“Tomorrow I get info on the Star,” I conclude. “Before I talk to my Star I talk to you. Got it.”
And at that, I go back inside in the warmth of my house as I leave the Wizard floating around in the cool night air looking up at the reflection of the bright moon behind the big heavy rain clouds.
* Disclaimer : Any resemblance between the fictional characters in this story and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle by chance more than by choice.