I admit, my stress levels lately have been so high that anything is likely to set me off on another panic attack. I am late at acknowledging that this is becoming quite a bit of a problem. I am early to be documenting the entire process.
I guess we all go through moments like these. I used to trust myself with my entire body, heart and soul. In fact, I have staked my career on this premise, and have never been misdirected before. Except maybe six years ago when I burned out. The power of my dreams and my truth is such a powerful force, that if I listen and surrender, it will lead me to my desires. Like it or not.
“Oh fuck now I’ve done it. The Star read my blog. She is not happy. I understand. I am such a terrible horrible person. I fuck up all the time. And my kids are going to pay for my fuck-ups. When will I bloody well learn? Anxiety attack. This would never have happened if Wim had helped me. This would never have happened if I ran my business properly. This would never have happened if I didn’t blog and share my stupid thoughts with the world. And it is all too late. I am going down big time.”
I used to be a woman who lived her truth every day of her life. I make my living from the power of my mind. I provide useful insights and am great at story telling.
All the more it bothers me to find myself throwing a sissy fit every time somebody says “boo” to me lately.
So I first try to sooth my anxiety with the magic memory of traveling with my children. In the autumn of 2017, I went to Senegal with my 3 children. I had heard that it is an incredible place and that the people there are beautiful. It was even more incredible than we could have imagined, or that I could even express in my blog posts. We had many of delightful experiences every single day, from the beautiful views, the warmth and spontaneity of the people who live there, and do not even get me started on the wildlife…
Yet this memory failed to quieten my mind. So I decided to spin my own magical story. An adventure I want to tell you about. It’s about the Shepherd who invites people to help take care of sheep in the Belgian countryside. And sitting in his barn in the Schapenmelkerij of Brakel, surrounded by these woolly creatures, he told me a story. It was the story of desire. The desire that awakens the herd. He was asked to help film a documentary about sheep. When he went with the filmmaker and encountered the sheep, it changed his life. Why? How? One look in the sheep’s eyes, and he understood that it was all about love, that the whole universe is made of love. And the sheep were there to teach him, and everyone who encountered him, that message.
The experience changed his life. The Shepherd followed his calling, and began taking people to take care of the sheep, the lambs, and paint them pink.
I do not have much experience with the world of sheep. I live in the city of Mechelen. I saw The Crows. I love running in the meadows and climbing trees in the woods but I stay on the trodden path. So, on first sight of a herd of sheep, I am both thrilled and scared. I gulp, and jump into the haystack. The sheep start to gather around. It is beautiful. Oh, and did I say terrifying? Beautiful and terrifying.
We climb back out of the hay, in pursuit of the herd out in the fields. The Shepherd uses his intuition and experience to guide us to the herd of sheep. We spot these magnificent creatures, leaping up and about, cavorting towards us. This time, I am walking close to the Shepherd. The sheep approach. He reaches out his hand, and draws me close. We link arms.
My body relaxes in his presence. And I get the transmission. Through his openness, his stand, his connection, I am able to find mine. The sheep circle all around us. They leap at us from everywhere, from behind, in front. There are moms and babies. And when I look into their eyes, and feel into them, I get it.
The whole universe is made of love. They love us. They want to connect, to play.
And what have we done to them? Destroyed their environment, killed them senselessly, taken them into captivity for profit. And yet, and still, they love us.
I want to cry. But it’s bigger than that. I feel awed, grateful, enlightened. We get the chance to encounter another herd. This time, I am in ecstasy. Thrilled, enlivened, honored, open.
The Shepherd takes us further, and we meet the rams. These guys are slow, big, peaceful, black sheep. I am enchanted. The Shepherd takes us further out to see some goats and cows too. These gods of the land are so….sweet. Fun. Playful. Loving. They ‘wave’ at us, they leap in the air. I am a delirious fangirl, waving back to them like I was front row at a Shakira concert.
The impact of this experience was, and is, monumental. I had no idea that nature is filled with love. I had no idea that all this love wants is to play with me, with you, with all of us.
The first thing I did when I got home was donate to an environmental protection organization. My consciousness has been immeasurably raised.
And I can feel the difference in every aspect of my life, including my relationship with my man. Fear has been replaced with love.
And all of this can be traced back to one moment in another man’s life. The moment that the Shepherd said yes to his desires, yes to his calling. If he had backed away, denied his truth, or decided he couldn’t, I never would have had the experience that I had. I am so grateful to him.
Women give life. Women create. Women desire. Man helps woman.
In every person’s lifetime, there is a calling (or two or three or four). A passion that awakens.
Be on the lookout for your sheep. And when it happens, when you see your sheep, run towards them – as if your life depended on it. When you choose to live your most deeply held dreams and desires, it opens the doorway for everyone you encounter to be inspired to live theirs. This world needs awakening. And your desires are not just your pathway to fulfillment, but they are the pathway for all of us.
* Disclaimer : Any resemblance between the fictional characters in this story and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle by chance more than by choice.