When I open my front door that morning with gloom on my face and doom in my heart, I am met with an equally disgruntled Bakerman.
“Yes you are right,” Bakerman immediately cuts the chase. “This is a complete rejection of you and all you stand for. Or she might have thought you might want them to keep and give them to your kids one day. They are just collecting dust in her house. Maybe it’s a nice gesture. But I agree with you. You are so deeply buried in this pain and anger it is impossible to see anything else.”
I need some time to recollect my thoughts. I am totally thrown aback that he has picked up the conversation of yesterday. I am shocked to my core that he tells me so bluntly to stop complaining. His reaction stings and I am looking desperately to find an appropriate answer.
“Okay here we go again,” I try the annoyed approach. “Only I am to blame.”
“No. I am not having this conversation,” Bakerman snaps back at me. “Sorry. Go make Wim’s life a misery.”
And that was that. He disappeared into his van, the parcels of fresh bread pushed abruptly into my hands, my face warmed by the rising sun. And here I am on my doorstep, fighting an invisible battle to get rid of my conditioned fear and anxiety, jealously hoping one day to find and conquer the holy grail of self-confidence.
The problem is, anxiety and fear are not a disease, nor a virus, or bacteria or an injury. You can’t catch it from sitting on a toilet. And anxiety and insecurity might be the appropriate reaction in certain situations. In fact, there is nothing wrong with it. Sometimes we just have an inappropriate reaction in a normal situation.
It’s our own behavior that causes our anxiety, fear and insecurity. Our emotions are influenced by the way we talk to ourselves. Our emotions drive our behavior. Change the way you talk to yourself will change the way you feel, and will ultimately change your behavior.
* Disclaimer : Any resemblance between the fictional characters in this story and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle by chance more than by choice.