Knowing when to let someone go

Knowing when to end a relationship and realizing that the pain will pass can often prevent greater pain in the long run.

“Ow now that’s a nice cigarette,” I sigh content into the webcam. “Almost worth the humiliation of buying a pack. I have this pet peeve for the moment. There’s Riona the unnatural woman. She’s lobbying against body shaming and positive body attitude. Now in my opinion she is beautiful but I also find her too fat, and thus unhealthy and find myself torn between wanting to support and encourage her, and also tell her to lose weight. I definitely want to lose weight, finally. I’m sick and tired of being fat. Starting to play hockey is helping me to finally shift that excess weight. I’m being lazy today. Lazy by the pool. I like the feeling of lazy and doing nothing. Doesn’t happen often. Sunshine helps. So are you still thinking of coming back or are you going to stick it out and make it work? We’re May now, you see…”

“I see,” the Doctor answers eying my surroundings through the webcam. I am sitting out on my terrace with view on the pool.

“You do, do you?” I smirk amused.

“Yes I do,” the Doctor nods approvingly. It doesn’t happen that much that I sit down to do nothing at all. But… must admit, here I am still behind my laptop.

“I really do love my naughty smokes,” I tell him as I blow out the blue smoke savoring the feeling I missed and craved for months.

“Well they are not cutting out your desires for sugar,” the Doctor reprimands me. “Stop all alcohol, fizzy drinks and cut down on fruit juice. Drink tea and water.”

“I can easily stop alcohol and fizzy drinks,” I say startled that he would get going on this subject. “What about fruit juice? Do you mean real fruit juice or the pre-processed stuff you buy in the shop? What about fruit?”

“Really? Prove it for three months,” the Doctor challenges me. “The weight will drop off you like a stone. Stuff you buy.”

“Aah really?” I try to sound surprised.

“Fruit is fine,” the Doctor waves to dismiss any misgivings or wrong information.

“I must admit I drink quite often for calling myself an occasional drinker,” I think out loud.

“Eat red fruit and apples,” the Doctor tells me.

“There are hardly any calories in champagne. Only 60 calories per glass,” I defend my small vices. “Can I have sugar in my tea? Tea stains my teeth.”

“I see,” the Doctor pauses a moment. “12% alcohol I guess equals loads of sugar.”

“Poop,” I say disgruntled. “You don’t think I’ve lost weight? Not even with the hockey?”

“Yes you can,” the Doctor goes for the positive approach, but I am on to him. “Try an alternative sweetener if possible.”

“Alternative sweeteners give you cancer,” I answer and I am happy that my Wim can’t hear me. “You have loads of sugars in your tea so…”

“Try honey or other natural sweetener,” the Doctor repeats his advice.

“Hmmm okay maybe,” I pretend to give in.

“I have three and a bloated stomach,” the Doctor smiles. And it’s true. He’s fat.

“And what, no calories in honey?” I challenge his suggestions. “You used to have more than three.”

“Yes there are, but honey is converted into glucose and that goes to feed your brain,” the Doctor explains. “Sugar and alcohol goes to feed your hips. You might also stay away from carbohydrates except beans. Eat full fat yoghurt and full fat dairy and lean meats and fish and chicken. No flour or potato.”

“I still don’t know what carbs are,” I tell him rather ashamed. People have explained several times but it just won’t stick.

“Whole rice is ok,” the Doctor goes on. “Three months and you will be energetic and skinny.”

“I have Airbnb guests here who are vegan,” I tell him of my latest peeve. “They have an 8 month old baby and are feeding her vegan too.”

“Flour products. Potato. No bakery products,” the Doctor tries to explain what carbs are.

“Baby wont sleep, they complain,” I go on telling him the vegan story. “She wakes up and wants feeding. Like no shit Sherlock.”

“Yes they are stupid but it’s their life,” the Doctor tells me impatiently. I can tell he doesn’t want to discuss my guests and their stupidity. Not my problem, as he likes to remind me.

“She wants meat,” I point out what’s really wrong with the baby in my opinion at least. “Ah so no bread or potatoes.”

“No,” the Doctor shakes his head.

“But I like bread,” I pout. “What about cake?”

“You will get used to not eating it,” the Doctor tells me but I have a hard time believing him.

“I buy cake in the weekends for my kids,” I go on thinking of all the fun things I will be missing out on.

“No cake,” the Doctor shakes his head vehemently.

“I want cake,” I insist like a spoiled brat.

“None for you,” the Doctor smirks.

“What about Bakerman?” I suddenly realize the consequences this change will have on my life. “No more deliveries? No more popping into the bakery. Shit.”

“Marie-Antoine lost her head over cake,” the Doctor brings up a little bit of history and I am happy I know the story and can answer it without sounding dumb.

“She did,” I smile still wondering whether it’s true. “So the story goes.”

“Well if Bakerman is providing other services then order cake for your kids only,” the Doctor teases me.

“So I’ll only see him on weekends?” I inquire.

“Yes,” the Doctor nods.

“Do you think he could deliver fresh juices?” I start wondering how I can save this relationship. “Nah that’s not Bakerman.”

“I think he could,” the Doctor susses me.

“Really?” I laugh for he’s always up for some good old fun. “Hahaha.”

“How about little loads of white custard?” the Doctor goes on with a naughty twinkle in his eye.

“You’re just as mad as me,” I smile back. “I thought custard is off limits. Ah but custard is like yoghurt.”

“No it’s cream and eggs,” the Doctor corrects me. Something about that naughty twinkle, but what?

“I can eat that!” I sing happily.

“He could smear it on you and lick it off,” the Doctor goes on.

“Noooo,” I boom.

“Ok smear it on him and eat it off,” the Doctor tries a different perspective.

“We’re just friends,” I tell him straight. “Like really good friends.”

“Really?” the Doctor raises an eyebrow.

“I like to think we are,” I tell him my side of the story.

“I am sure he does too,” the Doctor beams back.

“Happy,” I say with relief. Sometimes the Doctor throws some unwanted truths or half-truths my way and I don’t always like that.

“Maybe he can make late deliveries,” the Doctor goes on with his evil grin.

“Oh yes, evening talks with fresh detox juice,” I say dreamily liking these suggestions more and more.

“Yes,” the Doctor smiles.

“Midnight pool swim,” I go on dreaming.

“Wonderful,” the Doctor smiles warmly.

“And extra vitamins on Thursday after hockey,” I go on planning.

“Hot tea,” the Doctor pipes up.

“I love hockey,” I sigh thinking back to the feeling it gives me for days after each training.

“You call it vitamins?” the Doctor now moves in for the kill.

“Thought I was going to die the first time,” I remember my first hockey session. “Vitamins?”

“I didn’t know you swallowed vitamins,” there’s that evil twinkle again.

“The detox juices?” I ask bewildered.

“Yes,” the Doctor nods mischievously. “Known as testosterone.”

“I do swallow vitamins and it’s not supposed to be very good for you,” I start out all serious and then it hits me. “Nooooo. You are bad. Bad bad man. Very naughty. Shoo.”

“You are naughty too,” the Doctor smiles back at me.

“True,” I nod coquetishly.

“Are playing hockey tomorrow with your kids?” the Doctor wants to know.

“No only Thursday evenings,” I tell him.

“Can you run fast?” the Doctor asks.

“It takes me a whole week to recuperate,” I say to truth. “Body aches and stuff.”

“It’s a great game,” the Doctor confirms. “I used to enjoy it.”

“Once I’m warmed up I can actually run quite well,” I tell him happy to have found someone with similar interests. “It makes me feel youthful again. Haven’t ran like that in 20 years.”

“You don’t fall over your own feet?” the Doctor teases.

“Nooo. Need to learn tactics with the stick now,” I am quite serious about my new sport. “All good fun. How are you lately?”

“I am ok. Lonely though,” the Doctor admits. “Having difficulty finding the truth. May is nearly over.”

“Lonely with Debbie?” I ask surprised. “Which truth? What questions are you asking and which answers are you seeking? May isn’t even half way yet.”

“I am not explaining further,” the Doctor cuts this strand of conversation short. He never likes talking about himself I noticed. “Other than to say I miss speaking English.”

“Hello,” I smirk.

“Hello,” he answers shortly.

“They don’t speak English in Belgium,” I point out.

“No but you do,” the Doctor points a fat finger at me.

“We speak English,” I confirm.

“Sort of,” the Doctor evades me again.

“I’m sure other people do too,” I inform him I’m not the only fish in the sea. “Okay maybe we should Skype more often. Then you’ll feel better. Got to go.”

“None of them want to be a friend with benefits,” the Doctor sighs.

“Baby calling,” I tell him as I hurry to my feet.

“Ok,” the Doctor smiles sheepishly.

“I dont want that either,” I remind him that I have a life partner I am more than happy with.

Just as a good relationship can have a positive impact on your life, stressful, draining, or imbalanced relationships can have negative effects on your health and wellbeing. It happens all that time to maintain a relationship because you feel the other person needs you or you believe that they will eventually change. You may also be afraid of hurting the other person or feel insecure in your ability to find new relationships. But knowing when to end a relationship and realizing that the pain will pass can often prevent greater pain and feelings of loss in the long run.

So chocolate, bread, cake, potatoes, goodbye. Dear Bakerman, it’s time to break up.




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