Are you denying your feelings?

Denying your feelings is unhealthy for your mind and body. It also robs you of valuable information you could be learning about yourself by tuning in more often and accepting how you are feeling right now.

“Good morning! How are you?” I force a smile on my face as I greet my Doctor friend. I am without a doubt stressed out of my eyeballs. “I’ve got too much on my plate and not handling it well. Also my accountant said I need 200k to make it worthwhile going back to employee status, not 150k. Hmmm. Diet doesn’t work at all.”

“Diets take time,” the Doctor smiles back at me patiently.

“I can’t do it,” I whine in desperation. “The moment you mentioned it I just went mad eating everything.”

“Why not?” the Doctor questions me while raising an eyebrow. “Just stop alcohol.”

“I need chocolate and coffee,” I tell him pointedly.

“Ok no problem,” the Doctor smiles.

“I enjoy my glass of champagne during special lunches,” I tell him fiercely. “It makes life nice, all my little extras.”

“Enjoy a glass of bubbly water instead,” the Doctor mocks me.

“No that’s just flat,” I curl up my nose. “Life has to be fun and enjoyable. Not austere just to look good.”

“Well if life for you ends in a few months why worry about being fat?” the Doctor fixes my gaze for a reaction.

“That’s right,” I nod, but then I stop still and am startled at the realisation of what he just said. “My life is going to end? Which part of it? I’m not handling it well at all. No time to follow up on prospects.”

“You seem to think it will,” the Doctor picks up the thread again. “In fact you are not rich because you don’t understand delayed gratification.”

“The video training is to be completely redone. I don’t know which jobs to chase and which not. BNP is pissing me off. And I am missing you all of a sudden,” I sum up my woes on my fingers. “I don’t understand delayed gratification. You mean I spend too much? I’m spending and eating like there’s no tomorrow. But I reward myself. Ok well now KBC wants me on board too and they didn’t flinch at 150k.”

“150k is a good place to start,” the Doctor nods approvingly.

“You don’t get rich by spending money. Wim says that. My mom too,” I am now pondering on the latest food for thought the Doctor provided me with. “But I would lose my freedom. Oh anyways. A good place to start negotiating or a good place to start working?”

“You lost me,” the Doctor smiles amused.

“I did?” I look at him puzzled. I thought my communication was crystal clear. “Maybe meet up face to face some time would be better. Then you get to hear me complain for real. Haha.”

“Ok we will organize it,” the Doctor nods again. “I have to run. Relax you will find the formula that works for you.”

“Mmmm,” is all I answer as my brain starts mulling it all over.

The Doctor blows me a kiss as he ends the online Skype call.

Dealing with powerful emotions is challenging, especially when you are going through chaotic, sad, or cruel experiences in your life. Sometimes it seems like I have only two options for dealing with my feelings so they don’t become too overwhelming. Either I let my feelings out in an immediate and visceral way, or I bottle them up by suppressing my emotions. I have found however that there are many positive ways to deal with emotions, and experiencing your negative feelings doesn’t have to mean a negative experience. Denying your feelings is not only unhealthy for your mind and body. It also robs you of valuable information you could be learning about yourself and your life. Suppressing your emotions can even impede your short-term memory. Acknowledging your feelings can help you better understand them and help you recover naturally from change, stress, and grief.

Lovingly,

Fiona

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