Clairvoyant reading

I hesitated a long moment before writing this post. Then decided it had to be put out there. Before dying my grandmother had asked me to tell her story after she would pass away. Unfortunately, I know only brief anecdotes of her full and adventurous existence. However I do know my own story well enough and believe to be able to convey her life learnings through my own.

But that is not what this post is about. I recently went for a clairvoyant reading. It was an experience which turned me inside out, chilling to the bone. To be honest, even if the experience were to be seen purely as symbolic more than actually channeling the dead, it was still a feeling of drawing aside two dark curtains that had previously closed the entrance to a sacred pathway.

I am currently at a moment in my life where I am at a cross-roads and deciding in which direction I desire to take my activities. For some time now I have been wanting to go down a different pathway, or to combine several aspects of my life to have a more holistic approach to work and home. Whenever you are faced with the need to change, you must first do some spring cleaning. Out with the old, in with the new. This can only be achieved by allowing your negative beliefs and childhood stories to resurface, observe these without suppressing them or running away, and then finally letting the negative energy dissolve. It’s a process we all have to go to when starting a new cycle.

So I approached the clairvoyant with a head full of questions. Or so I thought. To my surprise the first thing she told me was that she didn’t want to hear any of my stories but that she wanted clear questions. And that took me aback. I had imagined I would first explain the entire situation to her and then expose the questions and blocking problems I was encountering. I had never thought of condensing all that into a few simple questions.

The symbolism in this formulation forced me to re-think the issues at hand. And by doing so it empowered me to draw aside confusion and obstructions that were impeding my vision. My questions, so I found, immediately made me realise where I could be right now or where I could be heading.

To venture down new pathways or to investigate new possibilities requires a grand leap of faith and overcoming your fears. It is a process well worth it. When you actually muster up the courage to venture down this path the universe will flow there were your focus lies, enlarging new perspectives opening up to you. But I am becoming cryptic in my explanation. Back to the clairvoyant stuff.

After having stated my question, I was asked to lie down at which point the clairvoyant placed her two hands on me and started channeling the energy surrounding me. She called upon the mysteries that are shielded from our view. It was an invitation for communication with the unknown. She was in fact listening to the language only the heart can speak.

The experience was deeply soul touching it felt as intimate as undressing. To make a long story short, I was visually guided in being shown the secrets which had been kept from me surrounding my family and parents. How they had lived, the dark secrets they had kept, the true picture of how they had felt and the truth about how others had experienced them in this lifetime. At the end of the seance we parted our ways gracefully, each being continuing in separate directions. Such a feeling of peace and a weight lifted from my shoulders. For the responsibilities had been put back with the person with whom they belonged. Not my burdens to carry. Not my secrets to tell.

 

Again, what is the actual worth and truth in this experience, if it were not for the symbolism alone? It was well worth the while, and I would recommend to anyone who has an openness to the other side. If not, it makes a great tale to tell your friends, for what it’s worth.

— Leuven, Belgium (May 2017)

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I married the wrong person once.

 

… Is it OK if I do it again ?

17 years ago in August, I walked down the isle knowing I was headed for my biggest mistake ever. Ideally, the preparations for marriage should have been an educational process anchored deeply in our culture. But apart from choosing the dream dress, the right venue and getting the wording right on the invites, little attention was paid to the life path that lay ahead.

Just a few days before the wedding, I had been sick with worry and crying on the phone to relatives who just laughed it off. Nerves. What else could it be when the happiest day of my life awaited me just around the corner. Back then the little me inside was screaming. What was the ultimate aim of my union with my soon-to-be-spouse? I had been brought up ogling over dynasty marriages on television. Then I stopped believing in the romantic marriage. This union was neither. It had been deliberately devised, well thought out. It served a purpose, which makes me say it was more of a psychological marriage.

The devilish truth

6 years ago I walked out on my perfect psychological marriage. I took a leap of faith hoping for all my might that I wouldn’t end up living under a bridge with my 2 darling children eating cat food. As you might guess, we did turn out rather well really. In the meantime I met somebody else who is in many ways perfectly wrong too. You read my right, my boyfriend is so fascinatingly wrong and sadly enough I must admit, I am too. Very much so too. You can ask him. He’ll confirm.

Why is this OK? I don’t want perfection, and I don’t think any of you do. I am more than happy to live with the little quirks that make my boyfriend the person who he is. And it is this which we can coin as true love. In other words, to love someone is your ability to live with that person despite his or her negative traits. If you can embrace your partner’s shadows, then and only then can you say that you love that person. Please remark here that I am talking about partner love, which is quite different and not unconditional as is the love felt for your offspring.

And so I met Mr. Wrong and I am happy to perfection for that. I am also infinitely happy that he is in love with my distinctive wrongness.

— Tremelo, Belgium (May 2017)

 

When Mama has had enough

 

As a mom of three, I can say with absolute certainty that we all reach a boiling point at one time or another. It happened to me only last week where I reached a point of being totally overwhelmed with events. My job as self-employed consultant was challengingly demanding as always. The baby was cranky as he was down with one of the latest bugs from his kindergarten. And my two eldest children were acting out on their sibling rivalry. In short, just a typical morning not much different from the one before.

This epic Friday morning, I felt it rise in my body, starting slowly from within and then radiating out in all directions. At this point, you always have the choice to keep the waves in check or to just let yourself go. I know from experience that letting it all out actually makes you feel worse afterwards. But this fateful morning, I did just that. There was this uncontrollable surge of so many different feelings and emotions that took the word “overwhelmed” to a whole new dimension.

Feeling overwhelmed

Overwhelmed is a concept expressed by many women (mothers, friends and even my own mother). In a mama’s world the bucket can get very full very fast. What started as joy giving my daughter a pep talk about self-confidence while the baby drums the floor with a wooden figurine ended in a full blown tirade with many “OMG”s expressed. What a mess. The result was me in tears at the baby’s kindergarten trying to explain why I felt so bad about having shouted at the kids. I had to call in sick that day, adding to my anxieties around financial freedom “if I don’t work, I earn no money”. But healing needed to happen. I had to take care of me first before I could possibly take care of my children, or my clients.

I decided to have lunch and a heart touching talk with my friend, Marta, that day to lift my spirits and to bring myself back to the healthy, happy mama I want to be. To be able to present the best possible version of myself to my children.

Self-healing

Tending to our own wellbeing and exploring self-healing is something we should prioritise more. So if you’re a mama and you’re struggling to keep it all together, here are a few tips to help you stay aligned, to keep you connected to yourself, your children and circumstances.

  1. Catch it before the volcano erupts

This is about knowing yourself and knowing what will trigger you off. When you notice that you are starting to enter a stage of being overwhelmed, just take things one at a time. Stay in the moment. If you’re making lunch for your children, but you also need to empty the washing machine and put the shopping away and make up the beds and… Don’t. Just make that lunch.

  1. Give yourself a break

Like I said earlier, you always have the choice. It’s a choice to blow your lid. And it’s a choice to stop for a moment and just breathe. Screaming hysterically in your house and kicking the ironing basket full of clothes down the stairs really won’t help a thing. You’ll just feel worse afterwards (didn’t you mom?). So make the healthy decision to just pause and breathe deeply for 10 minutes.

  1. Give your body a workout

Nothing makes you feel good like doing some sport. Get those energy levels up. If you’ve got your act together, you’re taking regular yoga classes, or any other workout class, at least once or twice a week. Spice up your other days by doing a quick 7 minute workout or whatever you like doing in the comfort of your own living room. Just do it. Your body and mind will thank you for it.

  1. Get creative

Creative expression brings happiness to the home. Find whatever you like doing: cooking, baking, painting, gardening, writing, singing… Do what you love doing in life. That’s the whole purpose. After all, your kids just want a happy mama.

  1. Practise earthing

I can’t stress enough the benefits of walking barefoot in the grass. It makes you feel connected and relieves stress. So take of your tootsies and let your toes curl around in the grass. Extra bonus if you include a meditation session out in nature.

The core message to all mama’s is this : take time for yourself. Just a few minutes of meditation or focusing on your breath can take you a long way. This is a time for recharging and nourishing yourself. A time for you to be having a conversation with yourself. Where you become your own coach. Where you become your own fan club. This is important because being a mom can sometimes be so solitary. But darlings, you know you are not alone. You are sharing this journey with mothers everywhere.

— Tremelo, Belgium (May 2017)

 

 

Be kind

It’s Friday which means it’s either a “mum’s weekend alone with all three kids” or a “rock and roll weekend”, although admittedly there isn’t much funk left to that kind of weekend since baby Willem arrived. But so be it.

Anyhow, always aspiring to be the best possible version of myself, I was pondering what might be some fun activities for this weekend. It hasn’t escaped my attention that this weekend is Mother’s day weekend. So it seems to be that random acts of kindness towards other women would be a fun activity to get my children engaged in.

It’s fun to get children pondering on what they could do to help out other women who we don’t know, just for the sake of being kind. After all, which better way to teach a child to be less self-centred, without taking them to the extreme of acting completely selflessly. There must be a middle way, right. Aha, intro the much forgotten quality of kindness.

What does it mean to be kind?
People often compliment me with this virtue, of being kind, and I thank them for recognising the light and love I wish to share. Being kind can mean numerous things like being less irritable, more patient, readier to listen, warmer, less prickly. Niceness may not have the immediate allure of money or fame, but it is a hugely important quality nevertheless and one that we too often neglect. There is beauty in kindness, ladies.
Kindness, though, is not a new concept. It is something we have been taught from the age of kindergarten. We learned how to be charitable, how to forgive, how to be natural and how to reassure. However coming from a British background, kindness was not a trait which was deemed desirable to express. I was brought up surrounded by women who prided themselves in being “tough” and “not taking it lying down”. What horrible attributes to want to cultivate in your character! Not that I am one to readily judge, but I felt hugely uncomfortable in this setting, having one foot in lower class and one foot in middle class.
Up the social ladder
Going my own way, I have learned that I don’t have to downplay one part of my personality, my kindness,  in order to gain in credibility. In other words, I learned that kindness is compatible with strength and is no indicator of naivety. Being kind does not make you a doormat. You can set healthy boundaries and still keep a smile on your face. Being nice deserves to be rediscovered as one of the highest of all human achievements.
Sticks and stones, darling. Sticks and stones.

Admit it, in theory you love kindness. But in practice, the act of doing kind deeds towards others leaves you feeling embarrassed, meek, tedious and even sexless. In fact, you feel so much overwhelmed of how your peers would value you if you were caught being kind, that you’d rather preserve yourself of this practise at all. After all, kindness is not compatible with being tough. Just like you can’t count yourself in upper middle class wearing no bra and a cheap dress worth 5 GBP. It’s just as senseless as being penny-wise but pound-stupid.

Kindness is a value I encourage subtly with my children. I tell them that being kind can be expressed in a variety of ways : to be kind could mean to be attentive, or open-minded, polite, or warm. There are no reasons not to be kind. You will however find a million excuses to cover up for the most prominent ways in which you are not kind. And at the end of the day, that is your journey, your choice to make, left or right.

 

— Tremelo, Belgium (May 2017)

Trying to quit being a victim ?

I just love being successful. Not only in my world (I’m the bestest, coolest, loveliest mom ever ever), but also in the world at large. In fact, I believe the world should see more of my divine light and bask in the goodness. OK, now that’s taking it a bit too far, right *smile*. Seriously though, as a kid, I used to dream big. So why dim your light when you grow up. Nah, I’m letting my light grow with me.

I know I’m a success because I have all the things which I have been taught show that I am indeed successful :

  • I have the guy (yes yes yes).
  • I have the babies – multiple adorable little versions all more perfect than myself in every way.
  • I’ve got the job – my career rocks, I am one of the leading digital analysts in Belgium, and I haven’t finished yet.
  • I have the salary – yup, the big bucks come rolling in at the end of every month, paying for that large house with swimming pool and also the trips round the world and the prada shoes.
  • The waist size… eurhm, still working on that one, which is all about priorities : the carrot or the chocolate, the waist size or my mental sanity?

You know what ? You’ve got the perfect life too, you just don’t realize it yet. But you do. Just look at the legend you are playing. Personally, I am Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, I am Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, I am Anne of Green Gables and I am Alice in Wonderland. Fierce huh *smile*

The grass is always greener

As long as we come from a place of green jealousy, we are constantly living inside judgment, judgment, judgment. Judgment of what we have, or haven’t, accomplished. Judgment on top of judgment, finding ourselves additionally wrong because no matter how hard we have worked, we don’t have any joy!

What does the Heroine’s Journey look like, and how can you unfold your legend?

  • Use your desire as your internal compass. You don’t have just one linear goal in life but many many delicious desires. Big juicy dreams to go after.
  • If it’s not fun, don’t do it. That’s always been my motto. I’ll say yes to any opportunity as long as I can answer one short question before I embark on the journey : will it be fun ?
  • Your network is important. Make sure you are constantly surrounded by your support group, your sisterhood, your community, your special people. Yes you’re strong and you can do it alone, but you’ll have more fun when doing it with others around.
  • It’s great to give, but even greater to receive. Be open to receiving. Allow other people to give you things. If you’re a woman then it’s normal, men are supposed to give you stuff *smile*
  • I am thankful for all I have and for all I have achieved. Life is a miracle. I am a perfect divine creature. I am so thankful for my life and all and everything in it.

The Heroine takes a huge leap of faith – she chooses to be the author of her own storyline, rather than the victim. Living as heroine, every day, is a real mind-bender, I know, because nothing has shown us how or what it really looks like.

Begin to re-write your story, with you as the Heroine!

— Brussels, Belgium (May 2017)

Revelations, Realizations and Resolutions

Each new moon is very interesting and this last one (26th April) proved to be yet again a challenging period. The last week accentuated a real push-me pull-you experience. My feelings are amped up as I am being pushed to change. And change I will, at least in some measure.

What I want most right now is a flavour to be accepted and respected as a valuable member of the ‘tribe’. Enough with the feeling of being an outcast, a reject, someone who just doesn’t measure up.

To sketch the situation : I had a full blown argument with somebody I considered to be a close friend regarding the tarot cards, as in her opinion I am not (yet) spiritual enough to be helping people.

What I want to highlight here for all of you darlings out there is that we should own these feelings of being like an alien, as if you don’t fit in, are not taken seriously or take up too much space. These are mere perceptions. The only one who can define your value is you yourself. Don’t let anyone else determine that for you.

Take your power back !

None of this is what I want or where I want to be going. If you can identify with any of these reactions, thoughts or feelings, you can see them for what they are and purge them now. This can be a very healing time.
Maybe you have been experiencing the stress of the feeling of having to move away from familiar situations, the need to let go of something or someone. Many of you are feeling the pinch financially as a lot of confidence has been blown out of the future.

You might be feeling as though you have been pushed to the wall. You may have recognised some old stories coming up about lack. This lack can be about money. But there can also be feelings of loneliness, abandonment, or the need to be alone to go deeper in order to work things out. Self-talk : it is incredibly valuable to listen to the things you say, not only to yourself, but also to others. You may have felt tired, worn out, with not much in reserve. You may feel the need to get organised, get going, to break through barriers and to apply yourselves to the things that reward you, and don’t feel like continuing to have a heavy weight on your shoulders. Bring about some big shifts as new ideas, new perceptions, new opportunities come to light.

Hectic and illuminating.

You still need to watch your thoughts and what you are sending out into the universe. The “Stories That We Tell Ourselves” are always powerful. That appears to be particularly true now. Right now it is important to figure out what you want to be doing, how you define yourself in the world, and you are being asked to both find your voice and your feet.

Push forward.

You can bring back something that you thought was lost – you can renew or revive something (or yourself). You may have to be careful that you don’t ‘drop any balls’…. you may need to keep juggling. If you’re meant to drop any, you will and perhaps you won’t notice amongst it all. This can bring breakthroughs in understanding, decisions and/or moves made, final resolutions to old stories, a deep letting go of restrictions and moving into the future. In fact, it’s a very strong period of out with the old and in with the new.

Be a pioneer.

Reach out for new objectives, new shores, new beginnings. Let go, deeply let go. There is enormous opportunity to break free of past barriers, limitations, sabotaging mechanisms, etc. Get out of the swamp of negative feelings and emotions. Concentrate on YOU. Not on everyone else first, but YOU first. The trick is – are you up to it?
For a woman each month marks a time of new beginnings and realisations. It’s like a birth after a time of gestation or being ‘in the womb’. The light begins to return and we can see new beginnings and possibilities. Set your intentions for the future. Plant the seeds of whatever kind. What do you want to manifest in your future? Whether you write it down, sing about it or just hold the thought forms in your mind, doing this can realise some fabulous results around the things that you want to draw into your life.

— Brussels, Belgium (May 2017)

The magical occasion when mom relaxes

Celebrate the magic

As a single mom of 3, I find my power by getting out in nature. Getting myself that nice dose of oxygen is so vital to feeling on top of my game. Add to that some undisrupted “earthing” and I’m truly a happy mommy. I need some quality me-time to recharge my batteries and nature offers me respite from the hustle and bustle of daily life.

Children are precious and being a mom should be celebrated.

Our children are the next generation. The continuation of the species. They are therefore an important aspect valued by our society. So valuable we invest much of our time, money and efforts in raising good and healthy kids. Yet life is not only about the children. There is more to the ultimate meaning of life and your purpose in this existence.

Sacred men and women throughout history have understood the power of nature, using the wilderness (whether forest, beach, or desert) to cultivate an inner spirituality that in turn makes a meaningful impact on the lives of the people around you. It’s in the wilderness, stripped from distractions, that you face yourself and your circumstances in one of the rawest and most vulnerable ways you’ll ever experience. And it’s well worth it.

Moments to relax, harmonize and balance.

Pause for a minute (actually stop reading this article) and think about the last time you incorporated a practice solely for the sake of your spiritual life. You probably can’t remember, now can you ?

Funny isn’t it, how we women tend to undervalue our quality me-time, our reconnection with our inner core. Nurturing your spirituality is in stark contrast to the things our society seems to value. Nevertheless, I recommend you tend to your soul daily, even be it just for a few minutes here and there of mindful awareness of the self. Like power-napping, you can take out a few minutes during your busy day to catch up with yourself. You don’t have to wait for a magical occasion to take care of yourself. Instead I believe in everyday magic. To make many micro moments into a meaningful refills of energy.

Even for those who are career-driven or business-minded, taking a few minutes out behind your desk to power-meditate, is believed to infuse the surrounding area with positive energy.

It’s not always about the kids

Ladies (and gents), it is time you blocked out time in your schedule for yourself. This time won’t create itself; you will need to make it a priority. Unlike physical health, which often takes precedence with exercise and healthy eating, spiritual well-being is a little more elusive and can be put on the back-burner.

Soothing seasonal occupations :

  • Cooking a delicious meal using ayurvedic spices for a balanced, flavourful diet.
  • Relax, cool and harmonize body, mind and spirit with organic herbal teas.
  • Get out pottering around your garden. Plant seeds for the future.

By being a relaxed mom, you are helping preserve healthy habits for generations to come.

Breathe a sigh of relief and get ahead of your day.

Put your spiritual health at the top of your list and spend some time in nature this spring or summer. Retreats are a great way to fill your cup and come back to yourself, especially those where you get to spend time outside in nature.

Where will you go on your next adventure?

This August, I am heading to YogaLand for a 3 Day Signature Meditation and Yoga Retreat. If you’re looking to get away from it all — to slow down, reflect, re-energize, and create a foundation for cultivating purpose in your life — join me and my kiddos in Torhout (Belgium).

The benefits of engaging in this type of retreat are vast. From clarity to purpose, you will walk away feeling refreshed and with a renewed sense of who you are.

— Tremeloo, Belgium (May 2017)